


Reversed Roles

by Dreamstemple



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-01-22 02:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1572767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamstemple/pseuds/Dreamstemple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and dean have a fight, Sam ends up saying something horrible to his omega brother and then the next day he wakes up with a younger dean looking down at him, somehow their roles just got reversed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The reverse

**Author's Note:**

> i do not own supernatural or the characters

" _Alright, you want to be honest if the situation was reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing" dean stared at Sam knowingly which only seemed to make Sam, even more, angrier knowing that Dean knew him all too well, cause yeah Sam would do the same thing but Sam is way to hurt to say any of that so instead of saying the truth Sam did what Dean had done to him, lie._

_"no dean I wouldn't" sighing to himself "same circumstances... I wouldn't." standing up to leave Sam points in the direction of the door avoiding the hurt look on his omega brothers face, knowing he would regret his words more if he looked at the wounded expression._

_walking to his room took about a minute in relative terms but Sam was to hurt, to emotionally drained to even care or notice, when he did get to his room he closed the door softly and sat at his bed just thinking about the conversation he just had and the more he thought about it the more he felt the beginnings of a headache coming on._

_walking back to the kitchen he wondered if Dean was still in there and hoped he didn't have to be confronted by the hurt look in deans eyes, but as he turns to the kitchen to find dean wasn't there but in his place was a glass of water and two aspirins, taking it as deans apology for the fight he took the aspirins with no questions asked, thinking back he should have realized that dean may know him well but Dean didn't know him that well to leave those out for him._

 

* * *

Upon waking up from the very vivid dream of Sam and deans argument, Sam felt like his head had been used for a game of baseball with the way it was throbbing. Sam opened his eyes to see a set of green eyes filled with the worry and sadness but there was something in them that looked innocent and young. As he started to sit up he winced in pain feeling a wave of vertigo and suddenly he had a lap full of young omega.

Its a typical trait of young omegas to seek comfort from there siblings or parent alphas and it hurts Sam knowing that in the other universe dean never had any comfort at all, always had responsibilities which even the strongest omega would have trouble with, but dean adjusted to it even though it must have been hard but he did it anyway to protect Sam.   

"SAMMY! you awake, you okay?" Dean asked as he started to check Sam over for any pain or injuries placing chubby fingers on Sam's face, and before he could answer or ask how he's here or let alone why he's older than dean the door opened up and Sam looked up at the person wide eyes and with his mouth ajar. There Sam was with a lap full of a younger dean and staring at his dad who was supposed to be dead.

"Sam your awake, 'bout time too I'm 'bout to go on a hunt and I need you to watch out for Deano"

"Yes sir" and where the hell did that come from, Sam always called john dad never sir, that was always dean.

"lock the doors and windows, close the shades and most importantly-" Sam cuts john of to repeat what Dean would say, what dean would always say. 

"Watch out for Deano" Sam looks down at Dean as he burrowed closer to Sam's chest trying to make himself smaller, Sam bent down a little to sniff at deans hair and it smelt of all the things he's wildest dreams could never dream of, smelling nothing but cinnamon, freshly mowed grass and sweet apples. sam had always loved the way dean smelled he would never admit it to himself or anybody else for that matter he never let out  how much he loved it and how much he would miss it so for as long as he can remember he kept that little secret for what it was a secret between his mind and his heart.

"Well alright I'm heading out now, see you later Deano, bye son" as swiftly as he entered the room he left leaving Sam with Dean. He wondered why he was the older brother in this universe but that thought got overruled when Dean started to pat Sam's face to get his attention.

like an automatic response to Dean, he smiled and softly said "Yes Dean" 

Dean answered with his own warm smile and responded: "Can Sammy help me with my homework" batting his eyelashes in hopes of getting what he wanted.

Seeing he's brother so submissive was weird but so darn cute, he just wanted to give dean the world and the stars and the moon (and he needs to stop thinking this way dean is not he's to have), he lifted he's hand to Deans face and brushed his knuckles softly across his check, dean leaned into the soft touch and closed his eyes making Sam smile even more, he felt small hands clutch tightly at his t-shirt and answered tenderly " Of course Deano, go get your homework and we'll see what we can do, sound good?" dean nodded enthusiastically and dived into the hollow of Sams' neck to sniff at it to comfort himself knowing there was an alpha around to protect him and jumped of Sam's lap and ran over to he's side of the room to get his homework.

Sam chuckled softly at the scene that was being played out in front of him, everything looked so happy but he knew that in times to come deans innocence would be tainted by cruddy motel rooms, move after move, state after state, chasing monsters that only showed up in myths and fairy-tales.

Jumping backup Sams bed dean sat in the middle of Sam's legs moving back to get as close to sam as possible so wrapped hes arms around deans middle and leaned forward to rest his chin on deans head and that's how they spent the whole day, deans back pressed flush to Sams front.  


	2. Playing The Role

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> computer decided to turn of by itself and all my work got erased so it might not be as good as i wanted it to be

After waking up multiple times in the week Sam soon figured out this is no dream and in fact he is living his life as Dean's protector, it didn't really bother him that much looking after dean, he loved it, he actually damn well loved to look after dean like this, like dean should have been. it suddenly occurred to him that if this is the life he had to live his whole life then he would welcome it with open arms, because he enjoyed the little things like deans warm smile or the way dean shyly smiled to himself when he settled himself closer to sam on the crappy motel sofa or the way dean would creep into sams arms when he thought sam was asleep and sam will deny it with every fiber of his being but he would hold on to dean for dear life wishing and hoping things could stay just as it was.

"Sammy, can we please go outside to play, I'm bored" dean said fidgeting in his seat next to Sam, they had gone through all of Deans work and some of Sams and watched all the re-runs on the motel tv and dean was crawling out of his skin, itching to go outside even for a micro second.

"No dean we have to stay inside" without looking up at Dean because he would be damned if he looked that those pouty red lips.

"But Sam-" dean was cut off before he even got the whole sentence out.

"But nothing dean, dad said not to leave this place, so we are staying in here, okay?"

Dean looked at Sam for a second then dropped his eyes then looked back up again with tears glistening in his eyes with his bottom lip trembling. Sam was gonna say something, he was going to go over there and comfort Dean but before he could dean was up and at their room door within seconds screaming I hate you's at Sam before very swiftly slamming the door shut, Sam flinched at the forceful slam, the door started groan its protest as it settled. From the way dean was acting it seemed that in this universe dean seemed to get his own way and never really had a tantrum.

So sam waited out Deans little tantrum listening carefully to sounds in his and deans room not really paying attention to the tv.

Deciding he had waited long enough Sam walks slowly to the door and knocks softly he waited for the loud but slightly broken go away from dean, so instead of listening to Dean, Sam walked into the room slowly and sat at the edge of the bed and lifted his hand to touch dean, he hesitated a few times before it landed softly on deans flank and began stroking but not just for dean but for himself as well.

Sam started to stroke circles on the Dean's side, Sometimes when he would move across a ticklish spot dean would twitch and shuffle away for a second. Dean still opted to ignore Sam, so Sam started to talk a loud.

"Dean you know I love you right?" Sam felt rather than saw dean nod his head.

"And you know I care for you right?" Dean nodded again

"I'm sorry I upset you dean, but I can't let you go outside okay?" the silence between them was impregnable to what seems a long time until Sam started to talk again.

"Dean, i love and care for you and I don't want to see you hurt, so if that means that I have to lock you up in here then so be it" Sam felt dean shuffle around the bed once and looked over to see dean moving closer until he was seated on sams lap once again.

"I'm s-sorry, p-please d-don't hate m-me" dean shook with every word he spoke and tears started to fall again so sam lifted his hand to deans hair and started to card through his soft short hair while he's other hand stroked deans shoulder.

"I don't hate you, dean, I love you remember" and Dean nodded his understanding again and started to adjust himself on sams lap to get more comfortable and sniffed at the hollow of sams neck. they stayed like that for a few minutes until sam moved them to the sofa and started to watch some old black and white movie until dean fell asleep in sams arms.

Tucking dean in bed and kissing the top of his forehead sam started to feel the tell tail sign of a headache coming on. Walking to the kitchen sam once again found 2 aspirins and a glass of water perfectly placed on the table in the middle of the kitchen but before inspecting it any further he heard a door slowly open and he turned to see Dean in his pajamas rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Sammy, can't sleep" seeing that Sam took the aspirins popped them into his mouth and gulped them down with the glass of water, he turned around and walked over to dean quickly and picked him up deans arms loosely wrapped around Sam's neck. Sam carried dean to the bed after turning off the tv and closing the door softly, he laid down on the bed and positioned himself so he was tangled and wrapped around dean, so Dean couldn't go anywhere without Sam knowing about it. And that's the last thing he remembers before passing out.

* * *

Yet again sam woke up feeling like crap, he's the whole body ached from head to toe and his head throbbed painfully on his skull, it felt like a thousand elephants decided to do the Texas two-step on his brain. As he started to sit up and adjust his eyes to his new surroundings he noticed he no longer was in the motel  but he was in a house, Bobby's house by the looks of it, then all too soon for his ears a voice started to speak too loud for sam to register at first but he soon realized it was deans voice but in a much more deeper pitch than the last time he heard which completely threw him off.

"Dude you gotta stop being the hero you got hurt real bad" Sam's eyes finally focused to see a dean that looked about 16-18 but judging by the way his voice had deepened his betting on him being 16. Realizing that Dean had just asked him something he asks for what Dean had said but found his throat dry as the Sahara dessert, a bottle of water touched his lips and he hungrily drank the water.

"What you say" Sam finally able to speak.

"I said you gotta stop doing that man, I mean yes I get it there were a bunch of alphas but I could have taken them, you know I can" Sam bristled at the mention of alphas sniffing around his omeg- his brother.

"Okay so now you're awake I can finally do my homework, just because you don't like school doesn't mean I have to suffer for it" Sam frowned, not like school? he loved school, he always had the best grades in class despite being moved from school so frequently, and he even got a free ride to Stanford.

"I mean if I wanna go to Stanford my grades have to be pretty amazing" Sam's eyes jumped at the confession that Dean wants to go to Stanford.

"You're not going to Stanford dean, you're staying here with us" Sam saw the flicker of anger in deans eyes before Dean could mask it with an unreadable expression.

"I am Sam, whether you or dad likes it, I want to do something besides hunting demons and monsters, I just want to be normal for once in my life!" chest heaving in anger and Sam's own anger rises to the aspect of dean leaving him, leaving him for another alpha and possessiveness takes over.

"Dean you are not leaving end of discussion, and I'm sure dad would say the same damn thing, so don't even bother running off to dad." Dean was by no means a delicate flower that would cry at any occasion but deans eyes started to glisten but in his eyes saw anger and sadness and he understood those feelings like they were his own and they pretty much were. In sams head he wanted to tell Dean to go for it, to go college and make something of himself, but something inside just couldn't allow it, wouldn't let the words materialize and he felt bad for putting those tears there.

"Dean I'm only doing this for your safety, I'm doing it because I love-"

"DONT!, don't say that your doing this because you love me, if you loved me you wouldn't let me stay in this shit storm of a life, you would let me go and do as I wish" Taking a much-needed breath in dean continued "So don't say your doing it for me." And with that dean left the room leaving Sam alone in the room thinking. 


	3. The Hurt

So there sam was laying in the cold empty room thinking about the whole situation how it reminded him of his own need to leave for Stanford, but he knew it was more than that, it was more that wanting to leave this dark world, it was the need to be free to feel the wind blow through his hair and be able to do things for himself and as an alpha yeah it seemed like it was the right thing to do.

Alpha's typically hate being ruled and told what to do, and its even more common for alphas to leave the house at the tender age of 16 but those were the ones that were born leaders, born to be a ruler not to be ruled. So for his age sam left pretty late considering he had traits of a leader. But now dean was leaving, leaving him and it hurts, it hurts to know that dean no longer wants to be with sam, he gets it he really does an omega's need a place to settle down and this life is not meant for even the toughest omegas.

So sam could totally understand what dean is thinking, but just the thought of dean leaving makes his blood boil and he doesn't understand why, why does he need to know where dean is twenty-four seven, why does he feel anxious whenever he's not around dean, why does his chest ache when the thought of dean being with another alpha puts him in a rage and this isn't a new thing either its the same in the other universe as well, he can barely keep himself together whenever he see's dean with beta's but rage boils up in him like a volcano when an alpha even looks in deans direction and sam had always thought that he was just being a overprotective alpha, an alpha that's looking after what little pack he has left.

But now he forced to see that its more than that, but what could it honestly be? love? admiration? Sam no longer being able to process his feelings concentrated on something else, something that didn't involve his feelings, like how he got in this universe to begin with. Thinking back it had always ended with a headache and began with one and those strategically placed aspirins that seem more like horse tranquilizers than painkillers. So he thought up that maybe if he doesn't take them that maybe he would just return back to his universe that would be the best option, right?

Walking down stairs which might I say took a lot of effort thanks to those alpha bastards sniffing around his omega. He heard a booming voice bounce around the walls before entering the kitchen and saw bobby and his dad in a heated discussion.

"So when were you gonna tell me your boy is an omega" Bobby waited a few seconds apparently not needing an answer from john "Was you gonna tell me when he went in heat or was you hoping i was to dumb to notice!" Bobby snarled as he jumped out of his seat to pace the room.

"Bobby this none of your damn business" letting the ice cold venom coat his words as Bobby's eyes bulged at the sentence, Sam winced at the words as well as the pain in his leg, moving towards the sofa he landed not so gracefully on his ass. 

"Not my business? John you drop them off at my house like its some damn daycare, and you think its not my business!" Bobby spat "I care for these boy more than you do! So when you you tell me its none of my business, i don't know what the fuck your talking 'bout."out leaving words left unsaid but everyone in the room can hear them _I'm more of a father to the boys than you are!_

"Yeah so whats your point Bobby, yes m'boys an omega, so what!" John stared Bobby down challenging him to say more, but obviously John was wrong as Bobby rose to the challenge.

"What i'm saying is the boy needs a home, a constant place to stay, his instincts are telling him to settle down and he's already scenting" Bobby lowered his voice and squinted his eyes to make himself be known he is serious.

 "You know I'm right here" Dean started to wave his hands in the direction of the two men, "I mean it is kind of my choice where i go right?"

"Dean for the last time you ain't goin' to Stanford, SO DROP IT!" John shouted as he walked out the room completely done with this whole conversation, leaving a shocked dean and an even more shocked Bobby and Sam. It was like a rule nobody said no to Dean even if he was asking for the world they would give it him but as it seemed as long as dean stayed with them.

* * *

Weeks after the the argument dean falls completely quiet, ignoring everyone but bobby, leaves the room whenever Sam enters but never had the guts to do it to john but he still didn't respond to any of the attempts of a conversation from john or Sam and it sam finds it actually really hurts that dean doesn't want to talk to him.

But one night magically sam finally gets to speak his mind, when he was laying in bed going over the words in his head while dean lay in his bed next to Sam's. Shifting in his own bed for the last time he gets up and walks to the end of deans bed and sits by deans legs and starts to stroke lazy circles on his leg, throwing caution to wind Sam clears his throat and begins to speak. 

"Dean...I-i know you probably hate me right now, and i don't really expect you to answer" sifting through all the words he could say or what he could do was hard, never having been in this situation, but somehow he didn't have a filter" Dean i lov-"

"Sam, so help me god, don't you dare say those words" dean snipped out quickly. "Don't say it if you don't mean it okay, i just... just don't get my... just don't say that okay"

"Dean i do love you and i know later on i might say something differently but listen to these words now and only hear those words from now on okay? i do want you to go, i want you to go out and do what you want but somehow i feel like your pushing away from me and god it hurts, it hurts me to watch you do that and please make me stop talking about my feelings" laughing nervously while dean snorted and pushed up of the bed to lean against the headboard.

"So you do want me to go? what happened to that whole alpha crap" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"I just...really understand what your going through right now, and i want to tell you now before... you know my alpha crap plays up again." Sam looked down as he talked but when he looked back up he saw something that look like love flash in deans eyes before it changed to deans now well practiced unreadable gaze.

"Sam... i don't know what to say i...Sam i love you, you know more than just brotherly love, i love you and..." Sam put his hand up to deans lips to stop him talking, feeling the moisture from deans lip transfer to his finger pulling his finger back only to replace it with his lips, Sam really want to deepen the kiss, he wanted to linger there for a eternity but pulled back reluctantly leaving their lips a hair breadth from each other as Sam leaned his forehead again deans.

"I know you do dean but you've gotta go okay? when you have a chance go" Sam rustled in his pocket for the money he pilfered from a couple purses "take this and use it to get to where your going and don't listen to word i say tomorrow okay? I love you i always have" He planted another soft kiss to dean lips once more before getting up and getting into his bed letting the darkness take him under, while dean stared at sams figure illuminated by the moonlight.

He continued to stare at him until he's legs carried him to sams bed without him knowing climbed into it curling up against sam feeling the familiar feeling of being safe as sam wrapped his arms around dean as they share their last intimate moment.   


	4. Whats Good About Saying Bye

Waking up to deans adorable sleeping face was shocking, sam smiled to himself thinking of all the ways this was the perfect moment but like a wrecking ball his mind supplied him with dark memories and conversations of yesterday.  _Dean was gonna leave and he won't come back, his leaving you sam, your not a good enough alpha to keep him with you_. Sams mind just couldn't seem to think of anything nice or comforting and decided to assault him with wicked thoughts on how to keep dean with him, but really he would never follow up on them.

Slowly dean started to sniffle and shift in his sleep and then suddenly sam was looking in sparkling green pools for eyes and just like that every bad thought every morbid memory swiped away from his mind and that's when he figured it out, that's when he understood what hes feelings to dean and all at once his feelings burst through the damn and it opened up his eyes to how he saw dean.

The emotions running high in sam made him do it, there was nothing he could do. Its like deans lips were calling to him just wanting to be kissed and that's the only excuse  he has for his actions because honestly he just couldn't wait a damn second to put his lips on deans, placing a hand on deans sleep warmed face just keeping him there because he had to  **had**   to just have a  little longer, just a little longer to press those perfectly rose tinted lips to his own, just had to remember how they felt, how they moved against his and he was certain that this would be the best memory he would ever have.

Completely not expecting dean to respond with a low moan in his throat sam pulled away to look dean in his eyes to question deans actions but dean stopped him.

"Don't hold back sam, if you want it you can have it." deans face was determined and happy but sam couldn't do that dean, he couldn't keep him here or even imagine to trap him like that, shifting away from felt like ripping of his own arm, it made his eyes water and the lump in his throat got bigger the further away he got from dean.

"Dean i... i can't do that to you" he said quietly willing himself to be strong in front of dean, but looking up was the wrong thing to do because deans face had turned from serene then sad then lastly guarded.

"And why the hell not?" dean demanding an answer from sam expecting it to be the usual crap about staying with dad and killing the thing that killed mom.

"Because i can't be that one alpha for you, i cant protect you and i want you to have a life outside of this." swallowing thickly hearing his voice quaked a little urging himself to finish the sentence "Because if anyone has a chance its you dean and i... you cant get that from me dean."

looking up and seeing deans face covered in pure shock as tears slowly trickled down his face making his green eyes burn brighter with sadness. Opening and closing his mouth several times to speak but nothing escaped and looking like a fish.

"Dean i was serious last night I'm not having you stay with me in this life, i have everything set out and ready." picking up his pillow he picked up a white envelope that was addressed to dean in sams messy sprawl, pushing the envelope towards dean he offered a weak smile to dean in hopes of enticing dean to take it.

"Everything you need is in there bus tickets, money for food and also some money to start you of with you accommodation when you get there" sam frowned as he remembered something and started rummaging around In his duffle bag and found what he was looking for and threw it in deans direction before stating he had gotten dean a new phone and had programmed his number in there if dean ever needed his help.

Utterly shocked deans eyes widen almost comically before answering in a whispered tone "Sam... you... y-you did this for me?" 

Sam shrugged his shoulders as repeated the words from last night " I love you dean" smiling sad at himself for a brief second. 

"But sam this is too much you didn't need to do this... for me" dean continued to stare baffled at the items before him.

"Well i thought i could make it up to you after everything that's going to happen today" at those words deans bafflement had been replaced with a frown as he stared at sam.

"The Stanford letter you sent of a couple months ago is coming in the post today and mostly likely dads gonna blow a gasket" more shock flittered across deans face again

"How do you know i sent it off" Sam chuckled to himself at the irony of this moment before he replied.

"Its what i would have done dean"

* * *

 

 Walking down the stairs Sam could already feel the anger rolling of their dad even before he saw him feeling dean behind him sam made dean get in the shower first to let john let of some steam with sam but before dean got to the top of the stairs sam ran back up and kissed him once more, it wasn't a see you later kiss or we're going to carry on what happened this morning kiss this was the last kiss between him and dean before shit hit the fan and dean answered the same way seeing it for what it was a goodbye kiss.

walking down the stairs sam thought to himself _whats good about saying bye_ , upon reaching the last step he looked back over his shoulder to see if dean was watching but found the top step empty.

"Sam can you tell me what the hell this is?" john asked way to calmly sam had thought john would be angry but this, this was more than angry and it would take a lot more than talking it out of him, so sam did the only thing he could shrug and look for a hunt.

They sat in silence for the next 30 minutes until sam heard the shower turn of, looking up he not only found the look of hell and pure anger set in stone on johns face, sam needed to find a hunt, now!

* * *

Finding a hunt in Minnesota was easy, finishing the ugly ass witch was even easier, but what had been hard to deal with was the tension between all of them wasn't a walk in the park and you could feel the anger rising more and more as the closer they got back to Bobby's.

Opening the door way to forceful was a sure fire way to know it was going down today, now.  

So sam readied himself for the hell storm that was rising in the kitchen already hearing the banging and clattering of glass's and bottles of alcohol, sam sent dean a look trying to convey his feelings as well as to warn it was happening. Dean must of gotten most of it cause he's face turned to one of understanding and sadness heading up to his room to gather his things in his duffle.

"DEAN, get your ass down here and explain this!" dean and sam cringed from their spot on the stairs waiting for their dad to call for them. Dean gave sam a nod and a sad smile before walking down into the impending storm with sam hot on his heals.

"yeah dad?" dean tried to act as nonchalant as he could.

Frustrated john slapped down the letter in the middle of the table as it shook under the shock and dean flinched obviously scared shitless.

"T-That's my letter from stanford sir." dean whispered softly hoping the whispered tone won't anger his father more.

"I see that dean, I'm asking why its now here in front of me, telling me that my son has been accepted to a college i said YOU WEREN'T GOING TO!" john bellowed getting angrier the more he looked at dean so he turned and walked over to a bottle of whisky and taking 3 long pulls from the bottle then swiftly turned to look at his son.

And that's when dean snapped "Its what i want dad and i will go whether you like it or i'm not going to be your dainty little omega anymore" huffing out angrily "i want more to my life dad and I will, I'm going"

"what about finding the thing that killed you mom, your just gonna walk away from that, from us"

"dad that's not my mission anymore, i see what its done to you. Hell you made sam raise your own son because you were to occupied with the hunt, so pardon me for wanting more in my life!" johns eyes bulged at the words that left deans mouth and the rage welled up inside him again and all he knew was that he was up in deans space one second and the next he had him pinned to the walk.

" You better watch who you talk to boy." seeing dean quaking and shacking with his eyes wide with fear john let go of dean and backed up sighing letting the anger drown out of him before looking dean dead in the eye.

" If your gonna leave, don't come back"

 


	5. Does It Hurt Sammy

"If your gonna leave, don't come back" Sam cringed at the words, he knew they were coming but hearing them spoken again hurts as much as it did the first time. Even though it wasn't directed at him and at dean who quiet frankly looked like someone had run over bunch of puppies.

"What?" dean all but whispered the words, his eye's shone with unshed tears as he shook his head back and forth slowly as if it could erase the last few seconds.

"I said go, but if you walk out that door never come back" John repeated his tone dripped with ice and in his eye's you could see a world of anger boiling to the brim, but sam could see behind that anger and he saw the sadness that was there, the love and the hate mixed together to create more anger, because lets be honest in this universe dean was obviously cherished as he should be. He had everything in this universe, he had the love of a doting father (well as much dotting as he can get) and a brother that will take care of of him no matter what and it tore at Sam's insides at the fact that this dean had the love and security that dean should have regardless of the universe.

Why couldn't dean have this? Why does he have to constantly suffer for their dads stupid ways? It cut sam to the core thinking it over. Dean needed this life, why would John make dean fight his biology for a nice home and an alpha to look out for him, just so he could get his revenge. A beta would never really understand the primal instincts of an alpha or an omega, their desire for things were that much of a normal human, it didn't really phase them if they had a mate or not. And then another thought popped into his head, what if this is the life he has to live from now on.

Walking in deans shoes, constantly being thought he was hated, going through all the good and the bad times, the bad times echoed through Sam's head, thinking of all the times he had been mean or had done something to upset dean, then he's mind stop to stretching halt as Sam's mind supplied the last time they had spoke in the real universe, sam had told dean he wouldn't save his life when he knew for a fact he would do it no questions asked and with no second thought about it.

So why'd he lie, because what? He was lied to? Because it was justified? No, it was more than that and sam knows it but looking back at it now he was just being selfish not caring about dean or how he felt. Dean felt like sam was his home, dean felt like if he couldn't have sam he would rather die and sam finally understood that and now? He feels like the biggest jerk the world has ever seen. He made a silent promise to himself, if he ever got the chance to apologize he will beg on his knees for forgiveness.

All too soon he was ripped out of his thoughts to be confronted when a heavy door being slammed and dean was no longer in the room and John was no longer standing but sitting on the couch with a bottle of whisky. The light outside the curtains supplied it was early in the morning and that's when Sam started to panic, he missed his chance to say his peace. Rationally he knew dean was gone but nothing would have stopped him from running up the stairs to their bedroom to at least see if dean was there, but in his place was a note with deans neat writing on it that said 'thanks sam for everything' and nothing more. He ran back down stairs and rushed to the window to see if dean was still there, nothing. Dean had left sam, sam wasn't the alpha dean had wanted.

* * *

 

He had been in this time slot in this universe for about a month now just mourning and missing dean. At this point John had already gone on his separate hunts and every now and again would send sam the co-ordinates of where he is, if he wasn't off his face.

It had been two nights ago when the magical aspirin had appeared on his motel table and as soon as he saw them he all but jumped ship to another town, but it never seemed to phase whatever or whatever it was that was sending them down as they also appeared in the impala as well, the headache was getting worse with each day and sam didn't any other sort of pain killers so paranoid that it might be the one to send him to another devastating moment.

Trying to take his mind of the ache he pulled out his phone to call dean to see how he was in college but nobody answered and it went straight to voice mail, dean must of ditched the phone or had sold it to someone, dean didn't want to be contacted by sam so sam left it at that.

* * *

 

Another month headaches, alcohol and regret sam couldn't take it anymore and decided he needed to drive out to see dean, he wasn't going to trouble dean, he just wanted to make sure dean was okay, that he liked his knew life because that's all that mattered to sam, but it had felt like someone had cut of his limb and his chest constantly aching like it was protesting the distance between him and dean. While driving down the highway sam kept thinking about the morning before dean left, he kept thinking about those red pouty lips on his and the way dean moaned against in a silent plea for more and the way he moved his body closer to Sam's just wanting to be that much closer to Sam.

And that is what has kept alive for the two, those thoughts were the only thing that was keeping from crumpling to floor in his sorrow and regret. Before sam knew it he was at deans college right next to the administrations office, he had been driving on auto-pilot for the whole journey.

Getting out of the car slowly, squinting as the sun ray hit his eyes, he looked himself over and he didn't look to bad so he ran a hand through his slightly ruffled hair to look a bit more presentable. walking to the desk he see's a man behind the desk but he was an omega, sam always had a way with omegas could charm them to their deaths but right now that's not what he wanted, he wanted to know where dean was.

"Hey" his voice was rough with alcohol and not really using it, clearing his throat he tried again with his best charming smile

"Hey" the omega looked up and for a moment froze as he stared up at sam with doe eyes like he had just seen a Greek god walk in.

"Hey yourself, how can i help you handsome" The omega chimed batting his eyelashes in Sam's direction.

"Yeah actually, i was hoping you could help me find my mate" Sam could see exactly when the words had suck in and the omega's smiled turned from hopeful to dejected within seconds.

"Yeah right, whats his or her name please" the line sounded to practiced and clipped sam told him deans name and age to Eddie according to his name tag, he didn't even notice that dean had been placed in the un-mated dorms but with a sigh Eddie told sam where dean was.

Sitting outside in a very attracting car on this campus was hard purely because dean would recognize this specific car anywhere, so it was no wonder when he had walked out of his seminar that dean had strode right up to the car and tapped the window.

"What the hell sam" Dean all but screeched at sam cause for some head turns and murmurers.

"Why hello to you too dean" Dean scowl deepened at Sam's sarcasm so sam got out the car and walked over to a bench, he didn't need to know that dean was following but before he got to the bench, dark spots entered his vision and he suddenly felt the earth quake beneath his feet and before he could register it he was going down and he was grabbing hold of anything he could. Distantly he could hear dean calling his name but the consistent pounding on his head had taken over but before his would went black he saw deans face all contorted with fear and worry and the only words that could come out of his mouth was "I'm sorry".


	6. Dean The Things I'd Do For You

Darkness, anger, pain, fear is all that surrounds Sam when he wakes up. His legs and arms can't move but his head can, all the fear and anger are shouting at Sam voicing every thought he ever had revealing secretes only he knew and no one else, not even dean knew. And then all of sudden he was flung into memories of significant moments in his life but in the messed up universe, moments like dean dying just lying there lifeless, every bad moment sam has ever had just got reversed on him and the pain got worse as the memories continued.

Until it got to the last memory of sam and dean and watching it over and over on a loop crushed him and sam screamed. Screamed for it to be over, screamed for it to stop but the pain just wouldn't go and all of sudden sam felt a hand on his shoulder and the pain, the voices and the memories stopped all at once.

"So this is what goes on in the mind of Sam Winchester." Sam moved his head towards the voice and Sams eyes widened and even though he couldn't move he froze and every voice in the room stopped immediately, it was Cas.

"Cas what the hell are you doing her- wait where is this?" Castiel chuckled to himself and looked around and then looked back at sam.

"This is every bad thought, every bad memory." Castiel pointed to sams forehead "This is your worst nightmare." and sam just sat there shocked to hear such evil drip from cas and for the longest time he just stared hoping cas would turn back to his usual oblivious self but he didn't he just continued to smile at him like the joker.

"You know i wanted to be nicer, but i just couldn't." sighing castiel waved his hands back and forth and the darkness surrounding sam receded and replaced with a clinical white room.

"If you wasn't born dean would love me, but he doesn't. the reason why i did this was for deans sake, i hate listening to him bitch about you hating him and i want dean to be happy."

"So what you drop me in the middle of my worst nightmare to get back at me. If your so sure you can make dean so happy why hasn't he fell in love with you then huh? why is it he's not begging to be hanging of your knot? you wanna know why? because even though you think you can, you couldn't make him happy because your not me." It was Castiels turn to stare at sam until a smile covered his face.

"Your lucky people would miss you sam." sam laughed also but he was still tense.

"So different circumstances would you do the same thing sam?"sam smiled at the question half expecting cas to ask that question.

"Yes i would." and with out any hesitation castiel clicked his fingers and all of sudden Sam's back in the bunker in his room, on his bed looking up at the ceiling, he slowly gets up and looks around trying to get his bearings.


	7. Let Me Love You

Back in the bunker, laying on his back staring at the ceiling, wishing, hoping that this isn't a dream, all at once every thought he's ever had about dean is rushing in his head, he knows in that moment that he has always loved dean, has always needed him in his life, how he wished dean had followed him to Stafford but looking back now he realises that it looked like Sam didnt love dean anymore and that must if cut dean deeply. Sam wouldn't blame him if he doesn't trust sam anymore, but right now sam needs to get to dean to tell him how much dean means to him to tell all the things sam has been holding back.

Bolting of his bed sam rushes out of his room to deans in record time, but he hesitates by the door and he can hear snuffling behind the door, he can hear dean crying it breaks sam even more to hear it and without really thinking about it, with out even knocking the door sam enters deans room to be confronted with dean surrounded in tissues with swollen eyes and a runny nose and all the air leave his body.

"Dean.." Is all he can say, seeing dean like he is know is a complete shock and everything that he wanted to say gets lost in the back of his throat.

"Sam...please go away I-I don't n-need your sympathy" dean stutters out his words as he keeps his eyes on his hands and doesn't dare look up to see the pity in his brothers eyes, if anything he wishes this whole situation would just go away. He just wants his borther in the worst way, he wants him as a mate, but why would Sam want him really. He's broken in so many ways, he's been used and he's not the face of innocence either. But it was his way of trying to get over his brother the many women at the bars the dinners any where he could find a tall brunette.

Sam could see the wheels spinning in deans head, could hear him over thinking this whole situation so he did the only thing he thought he could do. He marched over to deans bed gently lifted deans chin looked him in the eyes with him most open look and spoke the words his been trying to deny for years.

"I love you dean winchester." And he said nothing else and waited for dean to understand his words.

"You-you love m-me?" dean stared back wide eyed and in shock and then something shifted in deans head and he was rambling the thoughts that clouded him "But you can love me, I'm- I'm nothing but a failure, I'm broken in to many places to love, you can't love me, you can't" dean started to shake with every word he said and sam just sat there watched his brother spiral. So the last thing he could think of was to kiss him.

At first it was awkward with dean completely shocked and sam being so desperate for his brother to believe him but soon dean started to respond, moving his lips against Sam's and soon they get into the rhythm of it silken lips moving against one another, Sam and dean getting lost in each other, sam moves his hands from his lap on deans neck pressing him closer to deepen their kiss, dean easily moves with the light touch getting closer to sam leaving no gaps between them. All is perfect in that moment until sam moans at the pure joy of dean reacting like he did, and with that little moan dean is lurching of sam's lap like he was just scolded by his touch.

"W-why did you do that" dean looks even more shocked then he did before, his lips red and shining with saliva from their kiss.

"why? I did it because I love you dean, i know you won't believe me, dean all my life I've loved you, but every time I was confronted with the truth I all ways had convinced myself it was misplaced affection, I mean you, an omega, raised me, took care of me, protected me like no alpha could." 

"Why should I believe you, not to sound like a whiny bitch. You said you wouldn't save my life if the roles were reversed." Dean shout back some of his anger rising above his sadness.

"and i am so sorry about that dean truly, I wish I could go back and take it all back. All I can say is I'm sorry, I know it's not enough and I've probably ruined my chances of ever having you as my mate but I just wanted you to know I love you and I'm sorry" finishing his very cliché confession he starts to get up feeling dejected and sad.

"you want to mate... Me?" Dean asks in a quiet voice.

"Yeah of course I would. I used to dream about it you know, about me and you together as one but looking at it now it was nothing but a dream, your so perfect and strong. You deserve an alpha that treats you right." Sam pauses then sighs and continues. 

"Someone that isn't me, I though-"

" Sam hold on let me-"

" God I treated you so bad I-" sam nervously puts his hands in his hair.

" Sam would you just let me tal-"

" I thought I could say sorry and that would make it oka-"

" Sam will you shut up and look at me."

Sam turns around then, waiting to see the anger and the realisation that he had just come to. But instead he sees love and shock across deans face.

" You love me?"

sam huffs his annoyence " of course I do dean I just tol-" sam abruptly shuts his mouth at deans glare.

" And you want to mate me?" 

Ssm hangs his head " Yes"

Deans eyebrows furrow " So why did you say that earlier" 

sam looks up again and sees the questioning look dean is giving me. sams eyes start to dart across the room looking for something to concentrate on. 

" I was pissed off." He said quietly.

"What did you say." 

" I said I was pissed off that you put a phyco angel in me that killed kevin." 

dean nods his head thinking over what hes going to say next.

" I could understand why, but sam you have to understand I didn't really have choice you was dying and I- I couldn't let you die, I just couldn't You have to understand that i just couldn't." 

Sam nods looking directly into deans eyes conveying that in fact he did understand. And looked back and all of sudden things had been so tense that now sam and dean were stuck at a stale mate. 

Dean was the first to speak up and asks " so... You love me?" 

and thats all it takes to break the silence sam begins to laugh loudly 

**Author's Note:**

> its short for now as this is my first fic and I'm scared that this might be rubbish so please constructive criticism would help a lot, i have a tendency to rush into the plot.


End file.
